Patience, Forbearance, and Self-Control

Patience: The ability to endure problems, obstacles, and hardships over a long period of time, in pursuit of a God-honoring goal.

Forbearance: The ability to graciously overlook the sins, faults, mistakes, and irritations committed by others against you.

Self-control: The ability to act on God's principles of right conduct rather than impulse, especially in the area of sexuality.

We Americans are drowning in a toxic sea of self-indulgence.

We expect all our wars to be all wrapped up by the next election cycle, that nothing is worth dying for, and if any soldiers are killed then we need to immediately quit.

We're taught that there's no connection whatsoever between how people act in the bedroom and their actual character. Then we're shocked when people who act like pigs in one part of their lives act like pigs in every other part of their lives.

Christians make millionaires out of preachers who claim they can teach you how to get instant power, instant prosperity, and infallibly successful churches.


We like patience, forbearance, and self-control when people show them toward us, but we dislike the process of achieving these qualities for ourselves.

We like hope, but we don't like troubles. "We glory in our troubles because we know that life's troubles brings about perseverance, perseverance brings about proven character, and proven character brings about hope" (Romans 5:3). The opposite of hope is despair, and who wants to live life in despair? That's a horrible way to live. So we know living a life filled with hope in God's goodness is a wonderful way to live -- but we don't like the training program.

We like maturity, but we don't like trials. "Consider it all joy, brothers, when you run into various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance have its perfect result, so that you can be mature, complete, with no deficiencies" (James 1:2-4). The opposite of maturity is immaturity, and the opposite of completeness is deficiency. Does anyone want to be an immature, deficient person! I don't think so. But we sure do wish there was some other way to get there.

We love the assurance of our salvation, but we don't like the fiery testing of our faith. "For a little while you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, which is more precious than perishable gold, may be found to result in praise, glory, and honor at Christ's return" (1 Peter 1:6-7). When your faith in Christ survives the fire of life's problems, it proves that your faith was and is real. This is different from the rocky-soil Christian in Jesus' parable, whose false faith withers up to nothing as soon as the heat of life's trials hits it. So it's exciting to know that Christ will point to how our faith endured life's trials, as proof that we were real Christians and may enter Paradise. But that doesn't mean we like the trials.

Patience, forbearance, and self-control are what God expects out of us toward each other in the church.

Here's an old poem I read somewhere:

"To be above with saints we love,
Oh yes that will be glory.
But to be below, with the saints we know,
well, that's a different story!"

How does these qualities actually work out in real life?

We start by accepting the responsibility to control ourselves. "Exploding" is not an option. "Tearing into" or "lambasting" someone is not an option. Amusing ourselves at someone else's expense is not an option. There are some Christians who need to learn that it's not OK to yell at people. This was a very bad habit I developed at the Christian school in Houston, and it's taken me years to unlearn it.

We don't blame our temperaments. "Controlling myself" means I do what I should do in spite of my temperament. I might be a naturally timid person who dreads confrontation. I accept that I will be courageous and speak truth for the honor of Christ in spite of my selfish timidity. I might have sarcasm that just naturally spews out of my mouth. I accept that I will learn how to substitute soft words for harsh ones, and wipe the mockery out of my voice. I might have a flirtation gene that lights up within twenty paces of a pretty face. I accept that I'll control my thoughts, my tone, and my body language. I might be naturally strong-willed and independent. I accept that I will learn how to be a team player. In other words, it doesn't matter what my temperament is like. Self-control means doing whatever is right, regardless of what comes naturally. The Holy Spirit can conquer any temperament.

I also don't blame my physical body for my lack of self-control. I'm talking about normal people, not unusual cases like someone with a brain tumor that harms the brain. The physical body doesn't cause lust. Jesus had a fully physical male body, and He never lusted. It's that our souls are so weak, and our love of pleasure is so strong. It's like our soul is a child strapped to the back of a huge bucking bronco. Our souls are so weak, spiritually, we have almost no control of the horse. Lust is about releasing excitement chemicals into our brain. It's about self-centeredness and vanity. It's a godless way of alleviating boredom or loneliness. It's about novelty. It's about attention. It's about the adrenaline of thinking you're getting away with something. In other words, according to Solomon, it's an expression of our deeply-rooted foolishness.

Concluding Thoughts

This is what God is like. God is patient. In this chess-match with Satan, He's not playing speed chess, God is playing the "long game." God is forbearing. The Scripture says that God is "slow to anger." I believe He chooses to overlook 99% of our sinning. God is self-controlled. God never explodes, with either anger or tears. Unlike us, God never acts on impulses. So this morning I'm not just commending these positive qualities because they're beneficial, but because they're Godlike. So, if we're His children, it's right that we should have them.


Wisdom is how we attain these three qualities. Trials alone won't do it. Solomon said you can grind a fool in a wheat grinder, and you still won't grind the foolishness out of him (Pr. 27:22). You can suffer, but if you suffer with no wisdom, you won't learn anything. Solomon says in many of the early chapters of Proverbs that the reason a young man gives into lust is because of foolishness. People who are impatient, quick to take offense, and impulsive are that way because, first of all, they're foolish. This is why you must saturate your brain in the Bible. Foolishness is rooted in our minds, deep down like the root of a dandelion. Some churches just teach you to snip off the flower. We don't want that. We want you to dig all the roots of foolishness out of yourself.